LOST ME TEETH I DID
Note to self: Don't get crowns put on your front teeth one week before bagpipe camp. I have documented my sad story below.
It all started 20 years ago on a rugby pitch in Flagstaff, Arizona. We had a very large rugby team so freshmen (like me) were told they would only get to play during the second half. For this reason, it didn't alarm me when I got to the field to find I had forgotten my mouthguard. After all, I would only be playing half the game.
Now, I will not go down in history as a great rugby player, but I had my moments. I noticed that in large rucks (a disorganized pile of large men generally pushing each other around) the ball would often be on the ground, but nobody bent down to pick it up. For the first year of my short rugby career I made a living at picking up the ball in rucks. I would pick up the ball, turn my back to my opponents and hopefully feed the ball out to our forwards. It was simple, I could do it, and it helped out our team. I know now that it is also a good way to get your teeth knocked out. On that particular day (sans mouthguard), I went down to pick up the ball in a ruck like I had done many times before. Unfortunately, somebody else had the same idea. A quicker, shorter "somebody". The timing of his lunge was such that he had picked up the ball and was coming back up, at just about the time, I was starting down. My upper teeth hit his shoulder blade square and hard. Right then I noticed something was amiss. My nice (post braces), smiley teeth were no longer perpendicular to the roof of my mouth. In fact they were nearly parallel. Sad testament to the ferocity of the blow was that the other guy had to leave the game with a shoulder injury. By reflex, I took my two front teeth with my thumb and disengaged them from the roof of my mouth like a glob of peanut butter. This put them back in proper position but they were hanging on by a thread. In the emergency room, I found out that I had not only broken the 2 front teeth, but I had fractured the sockets they went into. I had broken my jaw. Time, new braces and root canals saved the front teeth that have served me well for 20 years right up until last week.
I have had the same dentist for the last 5 years. It is the longest dental relationship I have maintained since childhood. My dentist, Dr. Irwin is somewhat childlike and he is gentle. During my first office visit, I caught him playing Warcraft (a computer game) in his office between patients. Since then we have always talked about computers and computer games. Every visit, he examines my front teeth and suggests that I get crowns. Every visit he contacts my insurance company to see if they would pay for my crowns. Every visit they say "no" it is purely a cosmetic procedure. This has become a verbal ballet between me and my dentist. Every visit he suggests crowns and every visit I say "no" unless my insurance company will kick in. This gets me off the hook and satisfies Dr. Irwin too.
A few weeks ago I went in for a cleaning and the office had changed. There were new computers, fancy fountains, a billing department and fancy furniture. Dr. Irwin had gone upscale. The cleaning itself had not changed and our little dance about the crowns continued. "Someday I am gonna do those front teeth". "Sure, Sure, submit it to my insurance and we'll see". But this time things were different. Helga the Prussian billing agent slipped it by insurance and my days of stalling were up.
I went in to get my temporary crowns. The dentist was very gentle as he ground away at my front teeth making little indentations and ledges for the new crowns. He then had his assistant glue on temporary crowns made of acrylic. Nothing like wearing linoleum on your teeth. Anyway, badda-bing, badda-boom, the work was done and new crowns I had, temporaries until my permanent ones arrive in 3 weeks. This is when the problems began.
2 hours later I was eating reheated, leftover Chinese food when the crowns separated from my front teeth. I went back to the dentist, had the reattached with stiffer cement and came home. That night while biting into a soft tortilla, they separated again. The next morning I returned to the dentist who heard an ear-full about how I need my teeth to play the pipes and that I have bagpipe camp in one week in the wilds of Canada. They grind away, get out something that smells like boat epoxy and cement the crowns on permanently. There is talk that if they fall off again, there will have to be more grinding, more etching, stiffer epoxy and perhaps some other nasty stuff.
I have been playing the pipes for 2 days and so far the crowns are now holding. I am trying to eat only soft food in small, bits to avoid any unnecessary pressure on my teeth. Here are the lessons I have learned:
1. Don't undergo any elective surgeries or dental procedures 1 week before bagpipe camp.
2. Don't ever agree to have the dentist fix anything that isn't broken
3. If the billing clerk is Prussian, run, don't walk in the other direction.
4. Always wear your mouthguard and don't pick up the ball from the middle of a ruck!
It all started 20 years ago on a rugby pitch in Flagstaff, Arizona. We had a very large rugby team so freshmen (like me) were told they would only get to play during the second half. For this reason, it didn't alarm me when I got to the field to find I had forgotten my mouthguard. After all, I would only be playing half the game.
Now, I will not go down in history as a great rugby player, but I had my moments. I noticed that in large rucks (a disorganized pile of large men generally pushing each other around) the ball would often be on the ground, but nobody bent down to pick it up. For the first year of my short rugby career I made a living at picking up the ball in rucks. I would pick up the ball, turn my back to my opponents and hopefully feed the ball out to our forwards. It was simple, I could do it, and it helped out our team. I know now that it is also a good way to get your teeth knocked out. On that particular day (sans mouthguard), I went down to pick up the ball in a ruck like I had done many times before. Unfortunately, somebody else had the same idea. A quicker, shorter "somebody". The timing of his lunge was such that he had picked up the ball and was coming back up, at just about the time, I was starting down. My upper teeth hit his shoulder blade square and hard. Right then I noticed something was amiss. My nice (post braces), smiley teeth were no longer perpendicular to the roof of my mouth. In fact they were nearly parallel. Sad testament to the ferocity of the blow was that the other guy had to leave the game with a shoulder injury. By reflex, I took my two front teeth with my thumb and disengaged them from the roof of my mouth like a glob of peanut butter. This put them back in proper position but they were hanging on by a thread. In the emergency room, I found out that I had not only broken the 2 front teeth, but I had fractured the sockets they went into. I had broken my jaw. Time, new braces and root canals saved the front teeth that have served me well for 20 years right up until last week.
I have had the same dentist for the last 5 years. It is the longest dental relationship I have maintained since childhood. My dentist, Dr. Irwin is somewhat childlike and he is gentle. During my first office visit, I caught him playing Warcraft (a computer game) in his office between patients. Since then we have always talked about computers and computer games. Every visit, he examines my front teeth and suggests that I get crowns. Every visit he contacts my insurance company to see if they would pay for my crowns. Every visit they say "no" it is purely a cosmetic procedure. This has become a verbal ballet between me and my dentist. Every visit he suggests crowns and every visit I say "no" unless my insurance company will kick in. This gets me off the hook and satisfies Dr. Irwin too.
A few weeks ago I went in for a cleaning and the office had changed. There were new computers, fancy fountains, a billing department and fancy furniture. Dr. Irwin had gone upscale. The cleaning itself had not changed and our little dance about the crowns continued. "Someday I am gonna do those front teeth". "Sure, Sure, submit it to my insurance and we'll see". But this time things were different. Helga the Prussian billing agent slipped it by insurance and my days of stalling were up.
I went in to get my temporary crowns. The dentist was very gentle as he ground away at my front teeth making little indentations and ledges for the new crowns. He then had his assistant glue on temporary crowns made of acrylic. Nothing like wearing linoleum on your teeth. Anyway, badda-bing, badda-boom, the work was done and new crowns I had, temporaries until my permanent ones arrive in 3 weeks. This is when the problems began.
2 hours later I was eating reheated, leftover Chinese food when the crowns separated from my front teeth. I went back to the dentist, had the reattached with stiffer cement and came home. That night while biting into a soft tortilla, they separated again. The next morning I returned to the dentist who heard an ear-full about how I need my teeth to play the pipes and that I have bagpipe camp in one week in the wilds of Canada. They grind away, get out something that smells like boat epoxy and cement the crowns on permanently. There is talk that if they fall off again, there will have to be more grinding, more etching, stiffer epoxy and perhaps some other nasty stuff.
I have been playing the pipes for 2 days and so far the crowns are now holding. I am trying to eat only soft food in small, bits to avoid any unnecessary pressure on my teeth. Here are the lessons I have learned:
1. Don't undergo any elective surgeries or dental procedures 1 week before bagpipe camp.
2. Don't ever agree to have the dentist fix anything that isn't broken
3. If the billing clerk is Prussian, run, don't walk in the other direction.
4. Always wear your mouthguard and don't pick up the ball from the middle of a ruck!
posted by Viceroy De Los Osos at 4:42 PM
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